


Take a Chance with Me

by angellwings



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst and Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Kiss, Light Angst, Post-Season/Series 08, Romance, Two Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23773888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angellwings/pseuds/angellwings
Summary: [Two Shot][Brettsey][Post Season 8]He kissed her. He actually kissed Sylvie Brett.He’d been thinking about it for months -- longer than that, actually -- and he finally did it. It was a truly exceptional kiss. Soft and insistent in equal measure. She’d been tucked against him, wrapped in his arms with her hands cradling his jaw, and she fit perfectly. They were so well molded to each other that it made him wonder how he’d ever done without it. The moment was more than he’d ever imagined.The moment after, however, is currently threatening to rend him in two.“Matt, wait, stop,” Sylvie says as she steps out of his hold.Her face is flushed, her lips are pink and swollen, and he can taste whatever lipstick she was wearing on his lips. It should be a happy moment, but the look on Sylvie’s face is not happy.It’s heartbreaking.NOW WITH A PART TWO.
Relationships: Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Comments: 92
Kudos: 263





	1. May 2020

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** Here’s a random idea that’s been rolling around in my head a little while. Maybe as those “ramifications” of Matt’s night with Gabby that Derek talked about in his Instagram Live video, possibly as where their season long growth could have led them in a finale, or maybe as where their journey will _start_ in season 9. I’ve firmly believed for a while now that their finale journey would have led Brettsey to a “one step forward, two steps back” kind of place. I’ve said it on twitter a few times. This is what I meant by that. 
> 
> Likely I’ll be wrong on all fronts but, typical me, I had to write it anyway. It’s a short one, but I hope you guys like it!
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> angellwings

******

_“Take it from me,_

_It's a lesson to be learned,_

_Even the good guys get burned._

_Take it from me,_

_See, I would give you love,_

_The kind of love that you've only dreamed of,_

_So if you want to take a chance with me...”_

_-”No Strings Attached” by *NSYNC_

******

He kissed her. He actually kissed Sylvie Brett. 

He’d been thinking about it for months -- longer than that, actually -- and he finally did it. It was a truly exceptional kiss. Soft and insistent in equal measure. She’d been tucked against him, wrapped in his arms with her hands cradling his jaw, and she fit perfectly. They were so well molded to each other that it made him wonder how he’d ever done without it. The moment was more than he’d ever imagined.

The moment after, however, is currently threatening to rend him in two.

“Matt, wait, stop,” Sylvie says as she steps out of his hold. 

Her face is flushed, her lips are pink and swollen, and he can taste whatever lipstick she was wearing on his lips. It should be a happy moment, but the look on Sylvie’s face is not happy. 

It’s heartbreaking.

Did she not want to kiss him? She gave him a small grin as he leaned in so he just assumed--

 _Fuck_.

“Shit, Sylvie, I shouldn't have--I’m sorry if I ambushed you. I--”

“No, no,” she interrupts with a wan smile. “I wanted you to kiss me. Believe me, I did.”

“You did?” He asks worriedly. “As in past tense? Meaning you don’t anymore?”

She glances down at the floor and brings one hand to her watch band, absently toying with it as she answers him. “Just because I want it, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.”

“What does it mean if we _both_ want it?” He asks her pointedly. “Because I do. I really do.”

He expects her to be encouraged by his words. He doesn’t expect to see tears in her eyes when she ultimately glances back up at him. “That still doesn’t make it a good idea, Matt.”

Well, okay, now he’s confused. “I don’t understand.”

“How many dates have you been on since Gabby left?” She asks gently. Her eyes are soft and there’s no reproach in her tone but the question is still pointed.

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not sure why that matters.”

“It does,” she insists. “There was the reporter, Naomi, and then that IT girl that one time...and that’s all. Just those two.”

And _now_ he’s getting irritated. What the fuck is she getting at? He quirks a brow at her and shrugs. “I could ask you the same question. You haven’t exactly been a social butterfly since you ended things with the Chaplain.”

She swallows thickly and nods. “You’re right. I haven’t.” Her eyes meet his head on and he feels every bit of the meaning he sees in them. “There’s a reason for that.”

The implication that _he’s_ the reason is as loud as the bells at 51. Now he’s even _more_ confused. “Then what’s the problem? I still don’t get it.”

“The problem is that I’ve lost too many people lately to lose you _too_ , and I’m afraid if we cross the line into more than friends _now_ then losing you will be inevitable,” she admits with a slight quiver in her chin. “And I can’t do that. I can’t bear to miss even one more person I care about.”

“I’m not leaving,” he assures her. He attempts to reach for her arm but she steps out of his reach. Just like that, he’s gone from irritated to worried. She’s always been so determined in her resolve to see the best in the world that he never stopped to think about what would happen if she just... _didn’t_.

“For now,” she says with a shaky sigh. “But I…” she stops as if she doesn’t want to continue. Her eyes close and she breathes deeply and then she forges ahead. “I don’t think you’ve moved on from Gabby, and I’m afraid that if we--” She wipes angrily at her face as a silent tear trails down her cheek. “I’m afraid that if we try to be together it’ll end with me heartbroken and alone. I’d rather have you as one of my best friends than be teased with something more and lose you completely.”

The memory of that charity event he went to with Gabby last fall comes back to him in a rush. The fact that she’s so upset by the idea of him leaving her for Gabby breaks his heart, but he’d be lying to himself if he claimed he didn’t understand her fear. He does understand it, but what he _doesn’t_ understand is why she encouraged him to go in the first place. If it was going to upset her this much why would she…

“You told me to go,” he points out, quietly.

She nods and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, eyes still shining with unshed tears. “I thought you needed the closure.”

“I did,” he confesses. 

“Matt,” she says with a flat look and a shake of her head. “I know you spent the night with her. That...that doesn’t sound like closure to me.”

“Maybe--Maybe it doesn’t, but that’s exactly what it was,” he says adamantly. “Hell, I walked out before she woke up and didn’t even say goodbye to her when she left.” He scoffs before he continues. “She didn’t seem that bothered by it either considering all I got in return was a voicemail offering me a spot in her tent on my next furlough.”

He blows out a ragged breath and scrubs a hand over his face. How did he not see this conversation coming? He should have. He should have seen the insecurities in Sylvie long before now. Coulda, shoulda, woulda isn’t going to help him now, though. No use dwelling on it for too long. 

“See?” Sylvie says with a voice that’s barely tinged with bitterness. “That sounds like an offer, not closure.”

“It’s an offer I’ve never had any intentions of taking,” he swears. “I don’t want just a two week furlough every year. I want to build an actual life with someone -- marriage, kids, a family of my own. Practically my whole life that’s all I’ve wanted. I never really had that growing up and I want my shot at it.” He pauses and gulps down the same old emotions he represses every time he thinks about his childhood. “I want a partner who can help me get it _right_. I’ve never had that. Not with Hallie, not with Gabby. I’m not saying this to put any pressure on whatever this is between us. I just...need you to know. I know what I want and who I want to be and I won’t find it with Gabby. I’m certain of that, and I have been since she left that second time.”

A hopeful expression flashes across Sylvie’s face but she hides it quickly. She intently studies her shoes and the floor, refusing to meet his eyes again.

“You’ve lost a lot lately,” he tells her, risking a step closer and reaching for her arm again. This time she lets him cross the distance she put between them. “I know what it feels like to lose and then _keep losing_. It makes you question... _everything_. I understand that doubt, but I’m not going anywhere. I’ve been here through all of it and I’m going to _keep_ being here. I care about you and I think we could be truly great together.” He takes a moment to breathe and gather up his will power before speaking again. “But, you’re right, maybe this isn’t the time. It won’t end well if both of us aren’t ready to take the risk.”

She tears her gaze away from the floor to meet his as those words leave his lips. They’re still shiny and wet. He can see she hates this entire situation. So does he.

“I’m not giving up, though,” he promises. “You don’t trust me now and I can see why. Maybe I haven’t done enough to earn that kind of trust. As your friend, yes, I think I’ve earned your trust, but as more than that...well, it’s obvious I have some work to do.” One corner of his mouth pulls upward in a crooked grin. “I guess it’s a good thing I’m no stranger to hard work, right?”

“Matt…” she starts. He doesn’t think she had an end to that sentence in mind because it trails away as her eyes stare into his. All he sees in her eyes is reluctant desire. She wants to try with him, but it’s still too big of a potential heartbreak. He can hardly blame her for protecting her heart. That caring heart of hers has been through too much this year. He’s well aware of that.

“It’s okay,” he assures her. “Really. You’ve got it in your head that you’re somehow second best or a consolation prize. I see that now. You’re not. Never have been, never will be. And now I have the chance to prove that to you. And I _will_ prove it to you.”

A muted chuckle escapes her as her stricken face softens. Her smile is tight lipped but warm as she shakes her head at him. “You’re too much, Matt Casey.”

“I prefer...determined,” he tells her with a small smirk. “You’ll see.”

“I hope so,” she replies. “I really do.”

He’ll take that as a good sign. Hope is better than doubt, at least. He’s been playing his cards close to his chest for too long. He needs to step it up. He’s never been the smoothest guy, but he has a little game. It’s high time he uses it, and who better to use it on than Sylvie Brett?


	2. November 2020

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 months later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:** So, there was an article that came out today (or yesterday at this point I guess). I won’t mention anything specific. If you read it you’ll know what I’m talking about. I read that article and then revisited one of my old theories for 8x21-8x23 and remembered this one shot. My theory for the end of the season, is now my speculation for the beginning of the season. 
> 
> And, after that, I decided to write a part two. A very LONG part two, lol.
> 
> Honestly, no spoilers involved here. I know nothing for sure. This fic is purely wishful thinking and conjecture.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> xoxo

******

_“If you take a chance with me,_

_I’ll be everything you need,_

_Because you’re my destiny.”_

_-“No Strings Attached” by *NSYNC_

******

Six months since the kiss that upended the world as she knew it. Six months since Matt promised to convince her. He was doing a damn good job of it too. So, what was her problem? Why was she still so terrified?

Not long after Foster left, Herrmann offered her his studio. Her savings couldn’t take much more of a hit so she agreed. Matt was the first to show up to help her move. He helped cheerfully and even brought her coffee and a doughnut to start the day. 

He’d gone out of his way for her on multiple occasions. First, when she’d been rear-ended and needed a ride while her car was in the shop and then again when the pandemic first started and she’d been quarantined for two weeks. He’d dropped off groceries and comfort items at her door every third day. Her current favorite throw blanket was one of those gifts.

He left flowers and little notes on her car and made his interest clear nearly every day.

She isn’t used to being chased. Everything he did for her warmed her heart. Some of it could still be the act of a good friend, but she knows him well enough to spot the difference in his eyes. She can _feel it_ when he looks at her.

But it’s _still_ messy. He’s _still_ her ex-best friend’s ex-husband. Dawson is _still_ a treasured figure at 51. Always will be. It was a relief to find out her feelings for Matt weren’t one sided, but it scares her too. What if Gabby comes back? What if 51 thinks Sylvie is betraying Gabby’s trust? Does getting together with Matt compromise who she is? Does it make her selfish? A traitor to a friendship she once treasured more than any other?

And, most importantly, does their messy history mean she and Matt are doomed before they even try? Because if that’s the case, she’s not sure she wants to try at all.

She doesn’t doubt his feelings for her. Not anymore. He’s shown her how he prioritizes her and all the ways he wants to support her. She wouldn’t be a placeholder for Gabby. She’s sure of that now.

No, now it’s _everything else_ that’s holding her back. The world and people and lives around them. What would they think of her? Of Matt? Of the two of them as a couple?

Is tarnishing his reputation, and hers too but she’s less concerned about herself, worth the risk?

She has no damn clue. She’s been lost and mixed up about that for _months_ now.

Throw in all the ways the world’s spun out of control since April and it’s no wonder it’s taking her so long. She’s barely had time to breathe, let alone contemplate her relationship with Matt the way he deserves.

She doesn’t really have time for it now, if she’s honest.

Her new partner starts today and she has to be on top of her game. She’s told the young woman is fresh faced and new to the field. She’s likely been on ride alongs and floated a little, but this will be her first permanent assignment. Chief expects Sylvie to lead from the front, his words, and Sylvie doesn’t plan on letting him down.

The weather’s just starting to turn chilly in Chicago. Sylvie applies chapstick and checks her bare bones make up application in her rear view mirror before stepping out of her car and walking across the apron.

Work now, torture herself over Matt later.

She drops her stuff off in her locker and turns to leave, hoping to get a jump on inventory, but runs straight into a solid warm wall of muscle instead.

“Sorry!” She exclaims as she stumbles. 

Steady hands catch her, one by the waist and one by wrapping around her upper arm. “Woah, okay. You got it?”

She blushes at the comforting familiarity in the voice that floats down to her while finding her footing. “Yeah, I got it.”

Her mouth goes dry and she gulps nervously. She doesn’t dare look up and meet the solemn blue eyes she knows will be waiting for her. She can’t. Besides, she’s already got them memorized, she doesn’t really need to.

“Morning, Casey,” she greets, clearing her throat.

He releases her arm and her waist. His hands leave behind a searing brand on her skin — even through her uniform. 

“Morning, _Sylvie_ ,” he replies, pointedly using her first name.

She grins, bashfully, and then finally meets his eyes. Solemn, as she’d expected, but still affectionate.

“You’re here early,” he says observantly while opening his locker.

“New partner arrives today,” she explains. “I wanted to get inventory done so I can have a little time to get to know her.”

“Gianna Mackey,” Matt says, thoughtfully squinting into the distance. “Chief filled me in. Apparently, Cruz knows her. She came up in his neighborhood, he went to school with a couple of her brothers. He says she’s good people.”

Her eyebrows lift at the information as she leans back against her locker. She watches Matt pull his CFD fleece jacket out of his locker and slip it on while absorbing the new intel. 

“Good to know,” she tells him with a crisp nod, trying to ignore the way Matt’s arms fill out the sleeves of his jacket. “Thanks.”

God, does he ever fill out that jacket. And he hasn’t quite switched over to the long sleeve white shirt yet so, when he caught her earlier, she grabbed a hold of him and got a good handful of hard bicep. It reminds her of his arms coiled around her during their one and only kiss. Of how safe she felt. Cared for. _Wanted_. 

It reminds her how much she wants to feel all of that again. She bites her bottom lip and listens for anyone else in the locker room. They’re both early. No one’s here. She hasn’t come to a firm decision yet but maybe…

Maybe she doesn’t have to come to that decision alone.

“Hey, Matt.”

The corner of his mouth pulls upward as she speaks his first name. She’s been trying not to while they're at work and in this weird limbo she put them in. It felt like leading him on to use it all the time, even if she’s been completely honest with him about how and what she’s feeling.

“Hey, Sylvie,” he echoes.

She lets out a short quiet chuckle and turns to face him. “I’m sorry I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

She doesn’t have to clarify what she hasn’t made up her mind on, he knows.

“It takes as long as it takes,” he answers with a halfhearted shrug. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’d understand if you did though.”

He closes his locker and leans his shoulder against it, mimicking her stance. He ducks his head slightly to pin her gaze with his, determination shining in his eyes as brightly as ever. “I want _you_ ,” he assures her. “I don’t want anyone else. I can wait.”

Her stomach does a swooping drop like the first launch of a roller coaster. Between his eyes and his words and his lingering touch, it’s all a little too much to take in at once.

“You shouldn’t have to,” she says, softly and apologetically. “I should know what I want by now.”

“This isn’t the kind of thing you should rush,” he advises, more kindly than she deserves. “You needed time, you had a lot happen to you this year and that was _before_ all of this COVID insanity. I get it. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine.”

That statement alone makes her want to kiss him even more than she already does. Does he have to be so understanding? She’d feel less guilty if he’d start getting frustrated with their situation.

“I just—it isn’t about _you_ or how you feel about me anymore,” she tells him, fiddling nervously with her watchband. “I _know_ you care about me and I can tell you’ve moved past Gabby. But that doesn’t keep it from being… _messy_. You know?”

He sighs tiredly and nods. “I know. But...we can’t help that and we shouldn’t make our decisions based on that. No one outside of us knows how we feel or how this thing between us came to be. Any judgments they have are gonna be uninformed. Aren’t you tired of fighting it? Or of knowing it _feels_ right but telling yourself it shouldn’t?”

Her stare drifts from his eyes to his lips. He’s right. She can _feel_ that he's right. Her hands clench at her sides and her skin heats. She wants to grab him by his white collar and pull his lips down to hers. She wants to tell him that yes _of course_ she’s tired. She’s fought her attraction to him every step of the way and all she wants to do is sink into it and let it wash over her.

But after sinking into it, she’d have to face telling Gabby and Herrmann and everyone else who’d been involved in Matt and Gabby’s years-long saga. What would that do to them? Could they face it together?

She hopes they could but it’s a risk. A _huge_ risk and she’s already lost so much. She can’t lose Matt too.

“Casey! There you are!” 

Sylvie startles at Severide’s voice and immediately averts her eyes from Matt’s. “Here he is,” she says, pasting on a smile and glancing over at the Squad Lieutenant. “I should get to work. Don’t let me hold you guys up.”

Matt’s lips part as if he wants to say something to stop her from leaving, but instead he puffs out an exhale and nods. “Good luck with the new partner.”

She gives him a smile tinged in sadness, throws out a quick thank you, and flees as fast as she can.

God, she’s such a mess.

A _huge_ fucking mess.

She finishes inventory just as Gianna Mackey arrives. Mackey is young, energetic, and drop dead gorgeous. The guys from first shift stare as they’re leaving the house. Gianna doesn’t notice. She’s too busy hoping in and out of the rig and familiarizing herself with Sylvie’s organizational system.

“You did inventory without me?” She asks, sounding put out.

Sylvie laughs. “You’re disappointed?”

“I mean, yeah. We’re supposed to do that together,” she replies with a shrug. “I wanna carry my own weight around here.”

Sylvie nods, her respect growing by the minute. “Don’t worry, you’ll get plenty more opportunities to do inventory. Today’s a big day. You have a lot of people to meet. Normally, I’d suggest introducing you to everyone at Molly’s tomorrow night, but well...Molly’s isn’t open at the time being.”

“Molly’s?” Mackey asks, with an eager smile.

“A bar that two of our guys own,” she tells her. “The best bar in all of Chicago if you ask me.”

“Ah, gotcha. Well, that’s disappointing.”

“You have no idea,” Sylvie says with a sad sigh. “It has real personality and twinkle lights for atmosphere. I miss those twinkle lights.”

Sylvie takes Mackey around the house. Giving her a tour and introducing her as they went. It was a quiet morning, but the quiet didn’t last long. They had the morning brief and breakfast and then their peaceful morning was over. Ambo bounced from one call to the next. Mackey may be new but she’s game and a quick study. They’ve not had anything too gruesome yet but time will tell if she has the steel stomach the job requires.

They arrive back at the house just after lunch. They’re coming in just as 81 is leaving for a manpower assist. 

As Matt passes her, he presses a lunch plate into her hands. “Saved you a plate. You barely ate anything for breakfast so I expect to see that empty by the time we get back.”

She smiles fondly at him and playfully rolls her eyes, dryly throwing a salute at him as he jogs away. “Ay, ay, Captain!”

Once they’re out earshot, Mackey smirks knowingly at her. “That your guy?”

“Oh! Um, no,” Sylvie says, cheeks flushing instantly. “No, we’re just friends.”

Gianna quirks a disbelieving brow but merely nods. “So, what’s for lunch?”

Sylvie glances down at her plate and laughs. “Guess it was Ritter’s turn. Pimento cheese sandwiches.”

Mackey grimaces and whips out her phone. “Uh uh,” she responds. “We can do better than that. How do you feel about pizza? Oh! Or maybe a calzone! What do you think?”

“Just a salad for me, thanks,” Sylvie answers.

“The Captain wanted you to eat. I’m not letting him yell at me on my very _first_ day. No salad. We’re splitting a pizza, that’s final.”

A bark of laughter escapes her at Gianna’s no nonsense stare. “Okay, then. I trust you. Order whatever you want. My treat.”

“Oh no, you don’t have to—“

“I do,” she tells her. “It’s your first day. You deserve it. When you're done ordering, sit down and tell me all about you.”

Mackey beams at her and nods eagerly. “You got it, boss.”

Sylvie can honestly say that’s the first time _anyone_ has ever called her boss. She doesn’t hate it.

The shift slowed down after rush hour. There was even one call to test Mackey’s stomach and she passed with flying colors. Sylvie honestly didn’t know how she would have reacted to seeing someone’s hand caught in a wood chipper as a newbie. She’s certain Gianna handled it better than she would have in her first year. 

Afterward, she went home. She called Foster and updated her on the house. Emily was doing very well so far and Sylvie genuinely hoped that continued to be the case. Other than that, she didn’t do much. She did laundry, binge watched some home improvement television, and planned her meals for the rest of the week. She’d saved up and bought herself a bicycle when she’d moved to Herrmann’s. If she couldn’t go to spin class, thanks to COVID-19, then she’d do the real thing. She was contemplating going for a ride when a knock sounded at her door.

Her brow furrowed. She wasn’t expecting anyone. 

She answered the door and found Mackey on the other side with a six pack of a beer and a plastic shopping bag.

“Well, hello,” Sylvie said with a pleasantly surprised expression.

“Captain Casey gave me your address. I hope that’s okay?” She asks, worrying her bottom lip.

“Of course,” Brett answers, opening the door wider and allowing her inside. “What’s up?”

“Well, I just...you sounded really down about that bar you like--Lottie’s?”

Sylvie smiled kindly and gently corrected her. “Molly’s.”

“Right! Sorry,” she says with a shy smile. “Anyway, I thought if we can’t go to... _Molly’s_ then maybe we could have a drink here?” She holds up the shopping bag for Sylvie to see and then says, “I brought twinkle lights! I figured we could hang them up before we have our beers and then maybe it might feel like Molly’s?”

Sylvie smiled brightly at her new partner. “Mackey, that sounds absolutely perfect. What made you decide to do this?”

She shrugs. “Well, I mean I had the idea at the end of shift but I wasn’t sure you’d go for it. I mentioned it to Captain Casey and he told me you’d love it so I thought... _why not_? Right?”

Sylvie nods and takes the six pack from her. “Right. Why not?”

Even when he’s not here somehow Matt Casey is still the most thoughtful man she’s ever met.

“Come on, while we’re at it we’ll order take out and watch a movie,” Sylvie says as she motions Gianna over to her couch. 

Mackey’s eyes light up at the paused frame on her television screen. “Oh my god, is this _Love It or List It_? I love this show!”

Okay, she officially _loves_ this girl. “Gianna, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful partnership,” Brett replies with a muted chuckle. “Forget the movie, we’re marathoning _Love It or List It_ while we wait for our food and hang twinkle lights.”

Maybe she’d said goodbye to a lot of people lately, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t say hello to a few new ones, did it?

“Can I ask you something?” Mackey asks, half an hour later as they spread their Chinese take out over her coffee table.

They’ve hung the twinkle lights, opened some beers, and were half paying attention to the tv. The conversation was much more engrossing. Gianna is adorable. A little green, but then again so was she once upon a time.

In some ways, she still is.

“Yeah, shoot,” Sylvie replies, unwrapping her eggroll.

“Are you and the Captain _really_ just friends? Because I was getting some _major_ vibes,” Gianna says, spearing a piece of orange chicken onto her fork. “And when I say _major_ I mean like knock it out of the park and into the stratosphere vibes.”

Sylvie sighs, suddenly feeling exhausted, and sets her eggroll aside to answer. “It’s...complicated.”

“Good complicated or it’s past time for you to dump his ass complicated?”

She laughs and shakes her head emphatically. “Good complicated, I think? Matt’s wonderful. Truthfully, I think he’s probably the _best_ person I’ve ever met. And he’s been there for me through some really tough times this past year.”

“So, then what’s complicated?” Mackey asks.

“His ex-wife used to be my partner on Ambo _and_ my best friend. She was even my roommate for a little while. There’s a... _history_ there that a lot of people at the firehouse were a part of or a witness to and I just don’t know how it would all go over.” She pauses and takes in a deep breath. “It would be a huge risk.”

“Damn,” Gianna replies, nodding slowly as she takes in all the information. “That is a history, for sure. Are you worried about how he feels or how it will look?”

“I know how he feels,” Sylvie answers with a tender smile. “He’s made sure I know how he feels every day for months.”

Mackey hums and nods, glancing up at the ceiling before meeting Sylvie’s eyes. “I don’t know what to tell you about the optics of it, but having seen the way the Captain looks at you...I personally think the risk would pay off. The man is _gone_. Completely. He was more energetic in the one conversation I had with him about coming over here than I’d seen him _all shift_. I’m just saying...that goes beyond attraction or friendship and I’d hate to see you take it for granted.”

Sylvie stares at the younger woman for a long silent minute, taking her words to heart. She’s certainly said a lot of things for Sylvie to think about and made more than a few extremely valid points. Sometimes, Sylvie can’t see beyond the past because she was so close to it. Mackey’s fresh eyes help more than she knows.

She’s still not entirely sure what her decision is, but she feels closer to making one by the time their next shift rolls around. The idea that people at 51 might not approve still bothers her and there’s also concerns about hurting Gabby floating around in her head. She and Gabby haven’t really been friends in years, but they were as close as sisters for a brief moment in time. She did everything she could, while she and Gabby were friends, to make her happy. It’s the way she is with everyone. The way she’s always been.

If she really stopped and thought about it then it could be because she was adopted and, even though she grew up loved, still somehow feared being abandoned. If she didn’t make the people in her life happy then why would they choose to stick around? What did she offer them if she wasn’t putting them first? How could she choose something that would make _her_ happy but could potentially hurt the rest of her chosen family?

She can’t

Oh god, she _can’t_.

She walks through shift on auto pilot. She has Mackey lead the inventory and then patiently corrects her when she can’t remember where something should go. She lets Mackey drive to their calls unless it’s an “all respond”. Those calls require an experienced navigator.

She catches a few concerned looks from Stella and Matt, but uses Gianna as a valid excuse to avoid them. Brett pulls out a fold out table onto the apparatus floor with a CPR dummy and has Mackey practice intubation. They run it over and over and talk through the scenarios they could face until Mackey seems confident. It’ll be different when they’re out in the field, nerves and adrenaline can take a toll, but Brett has faith in her young partner’s abilities.

It’s a good thing they practiced too because they get a call for Ambo, Truck, Engine, and Squad. A full blaze in an unleased building that was once a nightclub. The most likely cause is a squatter’s campfire, but the fire spread quickly and it was a huge wide open space so Sylvie knew it would take Truck and Squad a while to search. It could be scary without any markers to help them find their way in and out, especially when the smoke is as bad as it appears to be. The space is so big that they pull in a few members of Engine to help with the search.

Casey finds her eyes a second before he puts on his mask and helmet. 

She sucks in a breath and sends up a quick prayer to anyone who might be listening.

Please keep him in one piece and help him find his way back out.

Thankfully, the call is pretty standard. There’s one dramatic event, but it ends with Ritter making his first huge save. He finds a street kid cowering under an old mattress, picks her up, and runs. He makes it out a second before the entire place lights up. 

She and Mackey are as close as they can get with the gurney when Ritter emerges. He places the girl down and Brett immediately knows an intubation is necessary. She gives Mackey the space to do it herself. Sylvie nods encouragingly at Gianna’s questioning look. She’s not going to give her room to doubt herself. 

“I’m in,” Gianna calls as she steps back so Sylvie can listen. 

Sylvie grins and nods, motioning for the guys to help them load the ambo. “Like you’ve been doing it all your life,” she says. She grabs the back doors and nods toward the seat across from the gurney. “You stay with her, I’ll drive.”

They drop off the patient and stop for a celebratory coffee. Sylvie toasts Gianna with her paper to go cup, beaming at her with pride. 

“That was a heck of a first intubation, partner,” Sylvie says, checking her mirrors and pulling out onto the road. “I think you’re a natural.”

“Wouldn’t have been so good at it if you didn’t make me practice it a million times,” Mackey says. It’s half a complaint and half a compliment and it makes Sylvie laugh.

“Learning in the field has it’s value,” Sylvie tells her, stopping at a stale red light. “But trust me, it’s always better to be prepared.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mackey agrees, reluctantly. “Practice makes perfect. I’ve heard it before.”

The light turns green and Sylvie proceeds through the intersection. She’s more than halfway across when Mackey suddenly shouts at the top of her lungs.

“Brett, look out!”

A second later, there’s a roaring in her ears and the ambo is sent spinning like a top. The seat belt tightens around her torso and her neck is slung one way then the other like a yoyo. There’s black on the edges of her vision and everything seems to move in slow motion. The ambo tips to one side, barely balancing on the edge of it’s wheels, before it finally topples over.

The impact hits her side and her head hits the door. Her head swims and she feels as if she’s floating. She doesn’t even register that the ambo has skidded on it’s side across the rest of the intersection until they come to a complete stop.

Her arms are shaking with a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel. Finally, she comes to enough to turn her neck. She winces at the pain in her head, but there’s no pain in her neck or shoulders. She turns her head from left to right and then up and down and breathes a sigh of relief, which causes a pinch in her chest. 

She glances down again and finds herself pinned in, with the edge of the steering wheel pushing against her ribs. She mentally makes a note to herself that she _might_ have a broken rib. She tries to catalogue the rest of her potential injuries but she knows it won’t do her any good. Adrenaline will fog her pain for a long time to come. 

She looks to her right and sees Gianna hanging limply against her seat belt. Out cold.

“Oh, no, no, no, Mackey,” Sylvie says, tears springing to her eyes as she rips a hand off the steering wheel and reaches for her partner. 

She twists just enough to reach the pulse point on Gianna’s neck, whimpering in pain as it jostles her chest and her head wound. Finally, her fingers brush Mackey’s skin and she feels a pulse. It’s steady.

For now.

How long have they been down? How long had she sat there in shock unable to do anything but shake?

The answer doesn’t come to her but she can hear sirens in the distance so she knows it’s been at least a couple of minutes. The sirens reach them. Brett still has her hand on Mackey’s pulse. It’s faded a little. She hears shouting and doors closing and Boden’s booming comforting voice above all the chaos.

51’s here.

 _Thank God_.

“Sylvie!”

 _Matt._ Just the sound of his voice calms her erratically beating heart and makes her feel a little more present. He’s right outside. He’s coming for her. 

If he’s coming for her then everything will be fine.

Right?

She hears shuffling over the passenger side door. With the way the ambulance landed that means whoever's coming to help will appear from above her.

Matt’s voice is louder this time, less panicked. But still scared. “Brett, Mackey, call out!”

“H--here!” She stutters out. “We’re here!”

Matt’s eyes land on hers as his head dips through the passenger side window. “Thank God. Are you okay?”

“I--I think so! Mackey’s out though and her pulse is weak! I can’t see her injuries so I don’t know what’s happening. You have to get her out, Matt,” Sylvie shouts as hot desperate tears are falling openly down her face.

“Okay,” he replies, his voice dropping an octave to a soothing soft tone. “Brett, it’s okay. We’re gonna get you both out as quickly as we can. I promise.”

She feels a bit drowsy all of a sudden and blinks owlishly at him, unable to find words.

“Jesus, _Sylvie_! Do you hear me?” He repeats. “Come on, look at me. Really look at me.”

The sound of her first name from his lips brings everything back into focus. She swallows with great effort and nods again. “I hear you!”

“Good, that’s good! Try not move, we’re gonna cut this door off and get Mackey out first.”

She hears the growl of the jaws and the creaking of the metal as it gives. It feels like an eternity has passed, but she knows it’s more likely an excruciatingly slow minute, before the door is wrenched off and thrown aside.

Gallo’s there with a c-collar and he secures it around Mackey’s neck.

“Ready with the backboard!” She hears someone call from outside.

Matt looks Gallo in the eyes, communicating some sort of intense message Sylvie can’t understand. “Okay, you got her?” He asks.

At Gallo’s nod they both lift, carefully, and hand Gianna down to waiting hands. Sylvie’s been on the outside of these scenes a hundred times. She knows, logically, they’ll get Gianna on a backboard and get her to Med but the fact that she can’t see that for herself terrifies her.

“Is she okay?” Sylvie yells up at Matt. “Is she stable?”

Matt gives her a look she’s never seen before. If she’s reading him right, it’s both affection _and_ frustration. “Let me get you out first and then you can check on her when you get to--”

“No, Matt, look over your shoulder and tell me now,” Sylvie demands. She’s not going anywhere until she knows what’s going on with Mackey. She’s just lost one partner. She will _not_ lose another.

He huffs but does as she asks, yelling down to her as he looks back at the ambo that must be waiting. “She’s good. They didn’t even have to intubate. She’s bleeding pretty heavily from a gash in her side, though. That’s why her pulse was weak. They’re packing it now.”

Sylvie releases a shuddering breath and nods. “Okay, good. That’s good.”

“I’m gonna hand you a c-collar,” Matt says. “Can you put it on?”

“I don’t need it,” she tells him. “My neck is fine. I checked it myself.”

“Sylvie, you know as well as I do that your body isn’t exactly the best indicator of your pain right now--”

She’s not sure what’s wrong with her but instead of a rational reply she bursts into tears. Body shaking sobs that do nothing but irritate the pain in her chest and her head.

Casey barks an order at someone. She’s too upset to hear what it was, but in the next moment Matt’s more than halfway leaned into the cab. 

“Okay, alright,” Casey says in a gentle voice. “I get it. Probably not the best time to argue with you, huh?”

Despite the tangle of screaming nonsensical thoughts in her head, she lets out a watery laugh. “No, probably not.” She lets out one last whimpering sob and then forces herself to breathe deeply and calm her nerves. Which causes another sharp pain in her chest. She cries out and grips Matt’s arms as it rolls over her. “I’m--I’m pinned in. The steering column is digging into my ribs. And I hit my head I think. It hurts. I don’t even know what the hell happened. The light was green, I--I don’t understand.”

“Semi hit the tail end of the ambo,” he explains. “My best guess is it sent you spinning.” He gives her a minute to process that and calls up for his halligan. “I’m gonna try and pry this off of you. You're gonna feel some pain, I’m sorry.”

“I’m already feeling some pain,” she reminds him. “Just get me out of here.”

 _Some pain_ was a generous understatement, but he gets the job done and frees her from the seat. He cuts her seatbelt off of her and then wraps his arms around her waist.

“This is gonna hurt too,” he warns her, a moment before they’re both lifted toward the passenger side window.

She winces and hisses through the movement, trying to hold as still as possible. Despite her earlier protests a c-collar is put around her neck as she’s handed down from one firefighter to the next. Matt finds her again, just as she’s placed on a stretcher.

She taps the c-collar and glares at him, teasingly. “You had to find a way to make this happen, didn’t you?”

His eyes are red and watery in the daylight, but he manages a chuckle and presses a kiss to the top of her head. It’s a surprise move, but she leans into it anyway. Needing the comfort.

“It’s for your own good,” he tells her with a crooked smirk and lifted brow. “You know that.”

He follows the medics as they load her into the ambo and climbs in with her. When they’re seated and the doors are closed she reaches out and clutches his hand as tight as she can. He covers her white knuckles with his other hand before lifting her knuckles to his lips. 

“You scared the hell out of me,” he tells her. “That call came over the radio and I-- _Jesus_ , I thought I was gonna have a heart attack.”

That’s the moment his statement about what happened finally hits her. The ambo was hit by a _semi-truck_. How the _fuck_ did she survive that? How did it _only_ hit the very back of her rig? There is no way she should be awake and talking right now. 

And yet… _she is_.

But what if she hadn’t survived? What if she’d died right then in the middle of a Chicago intersection just minding her own damn business? What would she miss? What would she regret? What would she lament never doing?

She’d miss Matt. She’d regret never trying with _Matt_. She’d lament never having her chance to love _Matt Casey_ the way he deserves.

Just like that, _it clicks_. The one and only real regret she’d have would be never letting herself _be happy_. Being happy includes being with Matt Casey. She’s known that for a while now but fought it every step of the way. 

_Why?_

Because she was worried what people would think of her? Or what they would think of _Matt_?

If they think less of either of them just because they fell in love then maybe they aren’t worth her time. 

Oh holy shit, she’s in love with Matt.

She couldn’t face that before. Facing that would mean she’d have to take a chance with him. Sylvie can give up a lot of things for the happiness of others but she _cannot_ give up love. And god does she ever love him. He’s kind and compassionate and _consistent_. He listens to every word she says and goes out of his way to be there for her. He’s been her _rock_ for so long. Gianna was right. It’s not something to be taken for granted. Not now, not _ever_.

“Matt,” she starts, not really knowing where the rest of this sentence was going to go.

He must see straight through her though because he smiles softly and kisses her hand again. “We’ll talk later. Let’s get you checked out first.”

“I know what I want, Matt,” she says, tears falling down her cheeks again.

He leans toward her, keeping his eyes focused on hers while he brings his fingers up to brush over her cheek and wipe away her tears. “Good, hold that thought. We’ll talk once the docs have gotten a good look at you.”

The ambulance stops and the back doors open. She’s pulled away from him and toward the ER where she’s poked and prodded and asked a million questions until they come to the same conclusions she did.

Broken rib and a mild concussion.

She got off easy and she knows it.

She could have died today.

She could have lost Matt.

“Wait, Nat,” Sylvie says as Natalie starts to leave the exam room. She turns with an expectant expression. “Can you get Casey? He’s probably out in the lobby.”

She nods. “I’ll have Maggie bring him in. Oh, and did you want an update on your partner? I can send Choi over to tell you how she’s doing.”

“That would be wonderful,” Sylvie says thankfully. “You’re the best. Thank you.”

“Anytime,” she says with a kind smile. “Just glad you’re okay.”

Her broken rib didn’t puncture anything and it didn’t splinter. It’s a standard run of the mill broken rib. They wrap her, give her some pain killers, and leave it at that. The concussion protocols can be completed at home. She doesn’t _have_ to stay overnight in the ER, provided someone’s there to…

Well, provided she has someone at home to wake her up every few hours.

Which she currently doesn’t.

This wouldn’t be a problem if she were still living with Foster and Cruz.

Matt appears in the doorway of her exam room, turnout coat under his arm, short sleeved Captain’s shirt on full display. Even after the harrowing evening they’ve had he still looks amazing. No one wears white better than he does _or_ fills out a polo better than he does. His hair is fluffier than usual, having been flattened and then released by his helmet. She has the sudden urge to rake her fingers through it.

“Kidd’s bringing your duffle out of your locker so you can change,” he tells her as he throws his turn out coat into the chair in the corner of the room. “Nat said you’re free to go.”

“As long as I have someone at home to wake me up every few hours,” she tells him with an eye roll. “And I don’t.”

“Yeah, you do,” he disagrees. “ _Me_. You’ll be more comfortable at Herrmann’s than here and I have nothing to do tonight.”

“Shift isn’t over,” she says in confusion.

“It is for us. Boden took the house out of service,” Matt tells her. “I’m free as a bird and happy to help.”

Her emotions overwhelm her again. She’s feeling choked up with tears but she’s cried too much tonight. She refuses to cry anymore. Instead she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

“I love you.”

Her eyes widen after the word’s leave her lips, afraid she’s gone too far. But then Matt smiles, slowly and effortlessly and she can’t help but reflect that smile back at him. There’s a heavy beat of silence where she waits for his response but, before either of them can say another word, Choi marches into the room.

“Hey, Brett,” Ethan says with a sympathetic smile. He nods at Casey, acknowledging him before he continues. “Natalie said you wanted an update on Mackey?”

“God, yes,” Sylvie says, forcing herself to focus on Ethan and not her confession that currently threatens to split her chest wide open from the force of her anxiety. “How is she?”

“We had to give her a transfusion and stitch up her laceration, but otherwise she’s just fine. No complications. From what Nat told me about your condition, it looks like you’ll both be back on the job within a week -- provided you take it easy, that is.”

“Don’t worry,” Matt tells him. “I’ve got that taking it easy part handled, and that’s good news, Doc.” Matt claps Ethan on the shoulder in gratitude. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Choi replies. “See you guys around. Take care of yourselves.”

“You too,” Sylvie calls after him.

They’re alone again and Matt’s smile is back. He opens his mouth to speak and she holds her breath, hoping he might be saying those three little words back to her, but they’re interrupted yet again.

“Thank God you’re okay, girl!” Stella says as she blows past Matt and heads straight to Sylvie’s bedside. “Listen, don’t worry about a thing, I will go home with you tonight and make sure to wake you up every so often. You do not have to stay here--”

“Um, actually,” Sylvie cuts her off, biting her lip and smiling bashfully. “I’ve already got that covered.” She tips her head toward Casey and Kidd immediately gets the message. 

“Oh! _Oh_ ,” she says with a large knowing smile. “Well, good! That’s good. So, I’ll just leave your duffle bag then, give you a hug, and say goodnight.”

Stella shoves her duffle under the chair, hugs her timidly so as not to jostle her rib, and kisses her cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow to check up on you, okay?”

“Okay,” Sylvie says, returning Stella’s kiss to the cheek with one of her own. “Thank you for the clothes.”

April appears in the doorway as Kidd’s leaving and Sylvie has to bite her tongue to keep an irritated huff at bay. 

“Hey, Kidd brought you some clothes right? Do you need help changing around your wrap?” She asks kindly.

Now, Sylvie’s especially glad she bit back that huff. April’s right. She does need help changing. As much as she wants Matt to have a minute to speak, she’s stiff and sore on top of having a broken rib and won’t be able to do it on her own. Her movement is limited at best. Luckily, there’s a pair of soft sweatpants and a loose fitting sweater in her duffle so it won’t take too much work to get her changed. She keeps something with her to sleep in just in case she’s ever stranded or in an emergency situation. When that’s done, Matt slips an arm around her waist, allowing her to lean into him while they walk, and escorts her out to Chief’s buggy.

“He left it for me,” Casey explains. “We have to swing by the house and switch out his buggy for your car--”

“My car? What about your truck?” She asks with a bewildered expression.

“Sylvie, I’m not having you _climb up_ into my truck right now. Your car is lower to the ground. It’ll be better,” he assures her. “My truck will be fine outside the firehouse for a little while.”

He opens the passenger side door for her and blocks her off from the sidewalk when she steps in. Hovering over her, he buckles her seatbelt, meeting her eyes as he clicks it into place.

“I love you, too,” he says, inhaling deeply once the words are out in the open. “In case you were wondering.”

A smile instantly blooms on her face, eyes brightening, skin warming. “You do?”

He nods once and drags his gaze from her eyes to her lips. “I do. And now I’m gonna kiss you, if that’s alright?”

“I’m going to be very upset if you don’t,” she confesses, feeling her cheeks heat in anticipation.

Closing the distance between them, he seals his lips against hers in a gentle but lingering kiss. He doesn’t try to deepen it. He keeps it sweet and shallow but not quite chaste. She feels a barely there slip of the tongue that’s just the right amount of sinful. If every muscle in her body didn’t ache, she swears her toes would curl.

“When we get you home,” he says as he pulls back from the kiss. “I want to talk. About everything you’re thinking and feeling and what you want, okay? Can we do that? If we’re doing this, I want it all out in the open.”

She nods her agreement and tenderly caresses his jaw before slipping her hand up and into his fluffy helmet hair. He closes his eyes briefly and leans into her touch. When his eyes open again, she smiles softly at the fondness and longing he’s focusing on her. She never wants to put any emotional distance between them again.

“We’re definitely doing this and after how patient you’ve been these last few months I’ll talk about anything you want. I'm an open book for you, Matt Casey. Always will be from here on out,” she promises.


End file.
